Right??

So I have this professor for my New Testament class. I really like him. He's super smart but also incredibly personable and very passionate about what he does. He's a little younger than you would expect from a seminary professor, kind of nerdy looking and really white. My first impression when I met him, he's probably one of those soft spoken teachers that's pretty predictable. Ha. I never have been all that accurate with first impressions. This guy is awesome. He ends up preaching to us half the class period on things like how comforting and encouraging it is that we have become new creatures in Christ and how we are constantly being made new. He not only loves the Word. He sees the beauty of its application to our lives. When he gets going, he's always asking/slightly yelling at the class "right? right? amen?" I love it. Another interesting fact about him is that he is passionate about crossing cultural boundaries for the sake of Christ. He's served with Russians, in a Chinese church, and now an African American church. Definitely more than meets the eye.


Ok. Shifting gears to things I've been wanting to share!
There have been two huge struggles of mine that have been drastically altered in the last couple of weeks. One, my struggle with not having anything I'm passionate about. And when I say struggle, I mean believing there is truly something wrong with the way God made me. Lots of tears, frustration, even bitterness. Always the question, will anything make me come alive? Second, struggles with my perspectives on some pretty hard times in college. Those include my junior year and all the doubt I experienced of what was true and if God was real. Lots of darkness and near despair. Then, my senior year and having a really hard time with God's word, questioning what I read a lot, and if I could really shape my life around its contents. Not to mention studying finance didn't exactly thrill me either.

Would you believe that since coming to seminary, I have felt more alive than since EA and in a totally different way? I love what I'm learning. Love it. I love going to class, reading my books, going to the library. I'm pretty sure I like it a lot more than my classmates too. I get sad when class gets out early or we don't have new material to read. Them, not so much. :) Funny, huh? I think I would even venture so far as to say I am passionate about what I'm learning. Whoa. And the thing is, I know there are certain things that play into why that is. One, I am so incredibly grateful to learn something I really care about! Sometimes, I just marvel that I get be where I am. I know it's a gift. Two, (I hope I can explain this part because it's what makes me teary when I really think about it) everything I went through, especially my junior and senior years with my faith, I needed to go through to be able to study what I'm studying right now. Call the doubt and the questioning prerequisites if you will. The Lord has built my faith and relationship with Him in such a way that now allows me to freely ask these big theological questions without fear. I know God is real. I know His promises are unshakable. I know that He is personal to me. Now things that I don't know are being built on top of those truths. Does this make sense? (See, this is where I would like to be communicating in person.) It's amazing! I'm by myself a lot more these days, and if I start thinking about this stuff, I let out my audible whoa's or this is awesome! Nerdy, yes, but I can't hold it in.

I guess what I've gathered together in all of this is a renewed awe of the acts of the Lord- all He does to weave things in our past, present, future, our desires, and our gifts together. I look at all the things He just worked together, and I can't help but think...this is like art. How did You do this? It's beautiful. It's amazing. Right?! Amen??

Amen. So for those of you who walked through those really difficult times with me. Those of you who had hope for me when I didn't have any and faith that the Lord was always in control. You know who you are. I rejoice with you most of all. Thank you. I hope this reminds you of His faithfulness just as much as it does me.
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."

Ashley